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There are friends and family in our lives that we love, but after spending time with them, we feel like a tangled bundle of nerves. You want to know what’s going on in their lives, but after talking with them, you can feel your heart racing. During the holidays, you’re probably going to see them. I get it. I have these people in my life too. We love them, but they are really hard to be around. So what do you do? How do you survive the holidays around high stress loved ones? Here are some suggestions.
Don’t feel like you have to solve their problems. It is human nature to feel like we want to help, but not everyone even wants that. Most of the time when our high stress loved ones go on a rant, they are really just looking to vent. Unless they ask for specific advice, you don’t need to feel responsible for finding a solution. If they do ask, you can always tell them that you need to think about it.
Schedule the time you talk with them. If you know you can handle only so much, make sure that there is only that amount of time. Sometimes surviving high stress loved ones is about moderation.
Be honest with them. Tell them that you worry about how stressed they are, and see if you can get them to practice some mindfulness, go for a walk, or tell you about something awesome in their life. When people aren’t managing their stress so much that it spills on you, they are hurting themselves. It is a legitimate concern to tell them that they worry you.
Try to change the subject. When they get going on the topics that stress them out, and then in turn stress you out, see if you can shift the conversation. They probably need to refocus anyway. It will be good for both of you.
Practice self care. Take some deep breaths, ground yourself, drink water, or anything that helps you reset your nervous system. The goal is to not absorb the energy of others, but it still happens sometimes. Take some time to reset afterwards.
We all have people who we love, but who also are high stress. It isn’t fair to say “just cut them out”. We love them, and we are just trying to survive this high stress moment in their lives with them so that we can enjoy the rest of life with them. All we can do is do our best, and let go of the rest.
Love and Light,
Maria
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